Book review: Hot Pterodactyl Boyfriend

I would defy anyone to get a copy of Hot Pterodactyl Boyfriend through the post and not think: this has to be some kind of joke.

After all, the world of YA semi-mythical romantic fiction has been aching for a good parody for some time. What started with sexy vampires went onto encompass fairies, gods and strangely attractive trolls until pretty much any mythical beast you can think of started turning up at high schools across America, trying to blend in and falling for clumsy innocents along the way.

Add to that the sub genre of cross-species erotica which had a little moment last year – Taken by the T-Rex, Ravished by the Raptor, and the many, many works of Chuck Tingle – and you’ve got the recipe for a pretty funny send-up.

The problem with books like that is that the joke wears thin by page 35 and starts to feel like a waste of your valuable reading time. But something about the blurb on this one made me want to pick it up, and after the first few chapters I started wondering, where the hell is he going with this?

Because HPtB isn’t a joke book – author Alan Cumyn (his actual name) is perfectly serious.

Well, semi-serious.

Well, he keeps a straight face.

So the plot: Sheils Krane is a control freak, the student body president at her high school who has everything under control – the

Author Alan Cumyn is serious. Well, semi serious.

Principal, her grades and her obedient but not-very-exciting boyfriend Sheldon. Then Pyke, the world’s first Pterodactyl high school student lands on the school running track and suddenly everything changes.

This is HUGE, right? A freaking pterodactyl! Where does he come from? How is it that he has the torso of a human being? Why the hell does he need a high school education? And why does Shiels’ nose turn purple after dancing with him? Don’t think you’re going to get an answer to these questions, Cumyn doesn’t bother. You just have to go with it.

hptbAnd that is what Shiels learns she has to do too as her attraction to Pyke pulls apart everything she thinks she knows about herself and forces her to ask herself what she really wants out of life.

And that’s the thing about this story. Rampant dino aside, it reflects many of the pressures on teens today: that tightrope walk between staying focused on your future – grades, college – and letting go and enjoying the crazy, intense, hormone-raging high of being young.

What isn’t there – thankfully – is the appearance-obsession you see in so many High School YA books. Sheils takes up running (initially) to compete with her love rival but she doesn’t measure the circumference of her thighs or bemoan her freckles/untameble hair/tendency to blush. It actually doesn’t matter what Shiels looks like – although there are many lyrical descriptions of Pyke’s ripped (and mysteriously furry) abs. And the scene where Pyke is in bed and there may or may not be an extra lump sticking up under the blanket made me laugh out loud.

I found it tough going sometimes – some of the sentence construction made it a bit of a tricky read and the style is a bit repetitive. Still. I stuck with it out of sheer fascination – I just wanted to know where the hell he was going with this story, and the result was pretty intriguing.dino1

So, as an offbeat YA treat Cumyn pulls it off – after a fashion. I see this one being a cult hit – I don’t see a movie starring Vanessa Hudgens as Shiels, but frankly that’s a bit of a relief.

Are we seeing the spawning of a new hot-dino-romance genre? Maybe not, but there’s definitely room for this kind of weirdness on my bookshelf.

Hot Pterodactyl Boyfriend by Alan Cumyn is out now.

I made a tiny human!

Things have gone quiet on the blog again, the main reason being that I have been busy making this little person. She’s just three weeks old right now but pregnancy was pretty damn exhausting, and my working days were taken up with earning as much as possible before maternity leave kicked in.

Elena-face1However I spend a lot of time thinking about blog posts during the long, sleepy night feeds, and I have also been diving in to the wonderful books that people are nice enough to send me, so there are a few posts backed up which I can’t wait to share.

Now if I could just keep my eyes open long enough…

In which my Twitter name goes viral

Last week a publisher tweeted me to ask if I was interested in seeing a self-help book called Walking On Sunshine, and the tweet kind of went viral. I mean, not crazy-viral like that story about the stripper going to Florida, but a bit infectious. Think common cold rather than Ebola. My phone blinking in the middle of the night with news that yet another person in the States had seen it and thought – awesome!

Twitter used to be about the banter

This doesn’t usually happen with book related news but it does when the tweet includes a photo of Twitter-catnip Harry Styles reading a copy of said book.

I KNOW! Amazing or what?!?! Some of the comments from fans were really sweet, so chuffed to see their hero relaxing with a good read.

Although if I’m honest he could look a teeny bit more cheerful about it – but maybe I’m just being fussy.harry styles reading a book looking a bit sad

At first it was kind of exciting. I’ve known for ages that I probably have to build up my Twitter profile a bit, and now my name was spreading across the planet like an infectious disease. Surely it was a matter of time before I started reaping the rewards. And sure, all those 1D fans would be a bit disappointed about the lack of Harry in my day to day tweeting life but some of them might just stay for the craic…

And then, nothing happened. More likes, more favourites but, over that first frenzied 48 hours, I actually lost four followers.

It underlined how much Twitter has changed over the past few years. Back when I joined in 2010 I got followers if I so much as sneezed. But more importantly it used to be about the banter. I remember lots of late night chats with a science dude about the guilty pleasure movie that is The Scorpion King, there was another guy with a quintessentially British sense of humour who always had a funny comeback for everything I tweeted.

Then I took two years off Twitter for work reasons, and somehow I got hopelessly left behind. By the time I went freelance and returned to my old tweeting ways my former pals now had so many followers my voice was completely lost among them – during those two years they went from being nearly-friends to minor celebrities.

Retweets are incredibly rare and the only way to increase your network is by following people and hoping they follow you back. I duly did so, adding lots of interesting people to my list, but the result is that my news feed is a long list of strange faces and mysterious links rather than  cosy group of friends.

Now it’s all about getting software to manage who you follow, to automatically unfollow someone who doesn’t follow you back because it affects your “reach”. If you don’t do this, Twitter essentially, auto-brands you a Big Fat Loser. So instead of being a fun thing to do it’s become a way of measuring yourself and the imprint you make in the world. For example, I recently heard about an author whose book was rejected by a publisher on the basis that, with a mere 2,000 or so followers, her reach was too small.

Going on that, I am a pipsqueak that probably couldn’t even get a magazine down off a shelf.

It’s kind of sad but the truth is that, unless you’re a comedy account like @shitmydadsays or @50ShedsofGrey, people don’t follow you for the laughs any more, they follow because of what you can offer them. So when I was a commissioning editor, freelancers followed me. And now I’m a book reviewer, book publicists follow me. Mighty entertaining and informative they are too, but it’s still all about work.

I cherish the non work-related people I’ve come across – glimpses into different worlds like @theonlyspoon. He’s a PUPPETEER – coolest job ever! And I love tweeters who go out of their way to entertain, like @Joannechocolat‘s #10tweetsabout… and #storytime. Even better are the real friends – the ones I know offline and the fellow freelancers from online community I belong to. We recently held a Social Media Monday where we all followed each other and sent supportive messages. It felt good to be part of a community again – and also for some of my notifications to be non-Styles related for a change.

I miss the rawness of it, though. The fact you could go online on a Sunday night, talk about what’s on TV and find a bunch of kindred spirits you never knew existed. I’m aware that makes me sound like my nan talking about the good old days of the jitterbug but hey, it comes to us all. Perhaps I should give Snapchat a try instead?

It’s all pretty depressing but on the bright side, I can always cheer myself up by reading Walking On Sunshine which is actually quite a fun little book with cartoons and bitesize tips on how to brighten up your day. It’s out now and comes under recommendation from Harry Styles.

awalking

 

 

 

 

PS: And here’s a review of Viral by Helen Fitzgerald, just for the tenuous link of it…

Book review: Beside Myself

Identical twins have been swapping places for centuries now, from the Man in the Iron Mask through to The Parent Trap, but the twins in Beside Myself don’t exactly swap – it’s more like one performs a hostile takeover on the other.

Helen and Ellie are identical, although Helen is the leader and silly, slow Ellie is the oppressed follower. The school, their friends and even their mother all have a slightly lower expectation of Ellie, just waiting for her to mess up. Then one day Helen suggests they swap places and then Ellie refuses to swap back.

Before she knows it, Helen is forced into the role of secondary twin – rejected and forced into the background while Ellie (or Hellie as her bitter twin comes to call her) gains confidence and grows. There follows a dark and gripping tale of addiction, mental illness and the strange bond between sisters who hate each other, but still share a link which neither of them can break.

How much of our identities is made up by the judgements and opinions of others?

Like many books being pitched as part of Thriller Season this year, it’s not really strictly speaking a thriller. There are no twists and turns or ghastly murders – but it is addictive reading with a few revelations along the way. And although the central idea seems a little silly (Surely someone would notice. Don’t twins have different moles and stuff?*) the idea that such a thing could happen, and the havoc it could wreak on someone’s life and sense of identity is nothing short of compelling. That’s what keeps you reading on.

cover of beside myself by ann morgan two stick figures drawn in condensationIt’s a great one for reading groups as it throws up so many questions. Would Helen have continued to be “perfect” if the swap hadn’t happened, or would the flaws in her personality have come out anyway? And how was it that Ellie could suddenly lose her clumsiness, her untidiness by taking on Helen’s mantle? In short: How much of our identities is made up by the judgements and opinions of others?

For anyone who ever had a sibling and saw small differences in their treatment, the question is irresistible, and the novel itself is eminently readable. So although the central premise is old as the hills and there are a few cracks in it besides, it’s still a fresh, entertaining take which is definitely worth reading.

*There is a partial explanation but it would involve spoilers so I’m keeping schtum.

Beside Myself by Ann Morgan is out now.

Other Thriller Season reviews include…

The Widow by Fiona Barton

The Darkest Secret by Alex Marwood

Viral by Helen Fitzgerald

Book review: The Widow

If you’re wondering which book is going to be “This Year’s Girl On The Train,” stop stressing about it: it’s this one.

There’s a few reasons for this and some of them are commercial – the publisher, Transworld, won the book in a hotly contested auction and has thrown its full weight behind getting it into as many readers’ hands as possible. Industry bible The Bookseller has already dubbed it TYGOT – it’s well on its way to being a must read.

But the real reason is that, like Paula Hawkins’ novel, the book has the kind of premise that makes a reader’s mouth water in anticipation.

the book has the kind of premise that makes a reader’s mouth water in anticipation

Think about it:

A little girl named Bella vanishes and all the evidence points to a man named Glen Taylor, but due to an epic police cock-up the trial collapses and Glen walks free. Throughout the whole experience, despite his character being dragged through the mud, his wife Jean stands loyally by him.

Then four years after Bella’s disappearance Glen dies leaving Jean free to be herself, to tell the truth about her husband for the first time. What happened behind closed doors? Is Glen guilty and if so, why did Jean stand by him? And what will she do now?

the widow book coverCome on, it’s got you going “oooh” already, hasn’t it?

Told through the eyes of three different narrators – Bob Sparkes, the police inspector who messed up the trial; newspaper journalist Kate Waters who’s after the inside story and the widow herself, the story is slowly pieced together by the three characters, the pace gathered and you wonder what on earth Jean is going to reveal next…

It’s a fantastic idea for a story, and there are some sympathetic, well drawn characters. The glimpse into how newspapers operate – signing real-life stories onto a contract and hiding them away in a hotel – is accurate and realistically told without anti-press hysteria but also without hiding the more uncomfortable side of the business: the doorstepping, the news editors screaming for their headlines.

But as for the widow herself, as for Jean – I never felt I truly got under her skin. I couldn’t understand why she was so loyal to such a mediocre person as Glen or why she kept a lid on her own needs and desires for so long. She was strangely ageless to me (if the author specified her age at some point I apologise for missing it, but from the way she talked she could have been anything from 35 to 55.) This could be because Barton paints such an effective picture of her suffocating home life that you end up picturing Jean as a stifled 1950s housewife rather than a 21st Century woman.

One thing is for sure, though – this book is going to be huge. It hits on a raw public nerve and gives us a peek behind the headlines. TV rights have already been snapped up, and I can hear the water-cooler conversations brewing already. Definitely one to watch.

The Widow by Fiona Barton is out on 14th January.

More reviews and thriller season chat here.

the-widow2-crop

Book review: Viral

If there was an award for best first line of 2016, Viral would definitely be the winner – I won’t repeat it here but it’s certainly not one to show your Great Aunt Ermintrude. Although if Auntie E was to keep reading, she’d find an eye-opening tale about the modern world and the traps it sets for young people.

It’s about the hypocrisy surrounding young women and sex

Su and Leah are sisters and naturally their parents put them into pigeonholes – Su is the good one, studious, neat and considerate. Leah is the irresponsible, selfish one.

But when the girls both go on holiday to Magaluf, Su is the one who finds herself starring in a drunken sex video which goes viral and blows her entire life apart. Disgraced and ashamed, Su flees and tries to lose herself in Spain leaving the rest of the family to face the consequences at home in Scotland.

The makers of Broadchurch have acquired the TV rights to this one, and it’s being hotly tipped, so the book stands a good chance of going viral itself – and it is a compelling look at what happens when an ordinary person makes a drunken mistake that just happens to make it onto YouTube. It’s about the hypocrisy surrounding women and sex and about what holds families together when something like this happens.

viralIt’s a short book, tightly focused on the events of just a few days (with the occasional flashback) and the characters are real and loveable – especially Leah, the immature bully who finds more strength than she expected. However, don’t come to this expecting a crimey, thrillery read – the darkness just isn’t there. Fitzgerald has too much affection for her characters – and chances are you will too.

So it’s not Gone Girl. It’s a family drama, a coming-of-age tale and a wry look at the weirdness of our society. Enjoy it for that, and it definitely won’t disappoint.

Viral by Helen Fitzgerald is out 2nd February

More reviews and thriller season chat here.

 

Book review: The Darkest Secret

The whole world knows that three-year-old Coco Jackson went missing overnight on the night of 29th August, 2004. The email appeal to look for her whereabouts was seen by over a million people, making her face one of the most recognised on the planet. And yet 10 years on there is still no sign of her. So what really happened at that exclusive, luxury Sandbanks development? And do the people who spent the weekend with her know more than they are letting on?

There’s unpopular, moany Claire, cast by the press as the neglectful mother after her daughter’s disappearance.

Then there’s her husband Sean, a wealthy and wholly self-absorbed property developer who doesn’t see a problem inviting his mistress Linda and her husband to the weekend’s festivities along with their closest friends the publicist Maria Gavila and her family.

It’s a masterclass in tightly wound plotting

And finally there’s the ghastly Clutterbucks, the most absurd Tory power-couple in history – but frankly they haven’t got a clue about most things.

This dark and gripping book focuses on two weekends – the fateful one when Coco disappeared and one 10 years later when the Jacksons and their hangers-on gather for Sean’s funeral. Coco’s half sister Mila and her twin Ruby make awkward company as they travel to their father’s funeral, still struggling to come to terms with what happened without knowing the full truth. And then, slowly, the story unfolds.

I’ve already gone on about the flaws in thrillers. The unlikely character jumps, the crazy twists that are just out to shock… well, this book has none of those. It’s a masterclass in tightly wound plotting with each character perfectly primed to play their part, and with the seeds of each twist subtly sown to make it completely believable. And if you happen to spot one coming you feel rather pleased with yourself rather than let down by the author.

darkest secret coverThe sign of a good crime yarn is how you feel afterwards when the writer’s spell wears off. Does it still add up? Were there clues laid out for you all along which you just failed to spot because they were too well woven into the fabric of the writing? This book ticks all those boxes, adding in acute social observation, wry humour and characters you’ll love to hate. A tasty, twisty treat.

The Darkest Secret by Alex Marwood is out now.

Find more reviews and thriller season chat here.

It’s thriller season!

Over the last few years, January has become Thriller Season. Publishers launch their twisty-turny tales when in the gloomiest darkest month of the year, then slowly excitement builds until by summer there’s a copy of that year’s crime hit in every airport departure lounge and by every pool. It worked last year with the smash hit Girl On The Train (soon to be a movie with Emily Blunt) and now everyone’s at it. So if you like your narrators unreliable, your families laden with dark secrets and your book covers monochrome then this is the month for you.

As the New Year approached, my TBR pile was overflowing with intriguing catchlines, books with ‘girl’ in the title and promises that this book would be every bit as exciting as Paula Hawkins’ novel which I remember last year was being promoted as every bit as exciting as Gone, Girl before it.

If you like your narrators unreliable and your families laden with dark secrets this is the month for you

For the reader, this is good news. Thrillers focus on plot, on strong, love-to-hate characters and juicy dark secrets – often the kind of situation that could happen to anyone. It’s a great formula but it’s also so easy to get wrong.

The problem is often in the twist. Flynn’s book set the trend for the jaw-dropping reveal and some authors seem to start writing the book with the twist in mind – then make their characters jump through all kinds of outlandish and increasingly unbelievable hoops to get there. I’m going to assume you’ve read Gone Girl here (if you haven’t, skip to the end of the paragraph) and argue that the ending of the book was colossally absurd. For starters, anyone who has had fertility treatment can tell you it ain’t that easy to get pregnant from one measly batch of home-frozen sperm.

pile of books with dark coloursOften the flaws are obvious as you read and doubt creeps in before the end as you think, that character would never do that, or hang on, where the hell did she get that gun from? But sometimes the author has done their job so well that you’re carried along by the page-turning writing and it’s not until after the book that you get that post-thriller hangover. The whole plot comes unravelled in your mind and the experience is ruined.

The good news is that there’s lots of strong contenders around this year (I’ve pictured a small selection here but there are many more.) I’ve had fun – well, sinister, spine-tingling fun – diving into them all and will be ready to share my reviews soon.

Happy dark and scary new year!

Reviews so far are:
Viral by Helen Fitzgerald
The Darkest Secret by Alex Marwood
The Widow by Fiona Barton

It’s a mon-TAGE

So if the first half of National Novel Writing Month was solid but less than stellar, the second half was a disaster. The cold just would not quit and morphed into the kind of hideous fluey thing that leaves you just about able to function but unable to enjoy anything.

I spent over a week unable to breathe through my nose, waking every half hour overnight, gulping water, falling back asleep again. I didn’t go to the write-in, my head felt too dizzy. I still worked on the novel but I stopped counting words, ceased updating my progress on the NaNo website and I have no idea if what I wrote was any good.

By the end of it there was even more work to do

By the end of the month I was still sick and felt dejected. Even after setting myself these goals I’d blown it. My manuscript was covered with scribbles and corrections (one thing you still can do when you’re ill is mark up a page) and by the end of it there was even more work to do than there had been before I started. Layers of characterisation to add, description to expand on and most importantly an enormous amount of research to do before I tackled certain sections. This whole state of mind is made worse by the fact that next year’s hot psychological thrillers were arriving on my doorstep almost daily.

Example after example of great writing, plotting and brilliantly drawn characters. You can’t do this. You can never be this good. Even the bad ones were depressing because they still felt better than what I had.

It’s like I’m watching a movie of my life and have accidentally paused it in the middle of the montage section. You know, the part where some motivating kick-ass montagemusic plays and you see clips of the main character learning kung-fu or a dance routine or becoming a shit-hot lawyer after reading a few books.

It’s a way of making the boring process of hard work look cool and interesting and not actually that hard at all. The politically incorrect nightmare of a film, Team America: World Police sums it up best here. I think I’m trapped in the 55th second of this particular montage – just past the bit where I can barely lift the weight, but not yet at the part where I can karate kick my chainsmoking mentor to the ground.

When this is all done, you can flick through these blog entries really quickly and it might have the same effect. Or I might just be stuck on second 55 forever. Who knows…

NaNoWriMo Week 2

And I’m struggling. Could the people who organise this event please note that if you have a toddler, November (aka Cold & Flu Ground Zero Month) is the worst possible time to try and hammer out a novel?

So the little guy spent one day being ill in the first week, then got sick again in the second week THEN passed it on to me. I spent one of my days in a semi-delirious state (word total that day = 0) and then several days after that transformed into some kind of human snot monster hybrid capable only of short groans and sniffles (word total = between 300 and 500 words max.)

So at my half way through state, I am not even vaguely close to my set target and it’s incredibly unlikely I’m going to be able to make up the words. Yet another dismal fail of a NaNoWriMo.

And yet…

Apart from delirium day, I’ve written or edited every single day this month.

I’m writing and I’m enjoying writing

I feel closer to the events and characters in my story than I have in years.

I’m writing and I’m enjoying writing. Bloody hell I love it!

So all is not lost. If words are being created, something good is happening. And I have tentative plans to attend my first write-in on Friday night to try and make up some of the shortfall. I’ll let you know how I get on…